How resilient are you? – Sometimes resilience is the only choice we have.
I often sit back and reflect on both my teenage years and early adult hood. The time I wasted, missed opportunities and frivolous spending.
I coasted through life, with no sense of direction, depending heavily on my Mum. But in July 2010 my life changed forever! when my Mum passed away, I was 20 and my sister was 10. At these tender ages were hit with a pain that resides in our heart daily.
I became my sisters guardian and head of the household. The responsibility was overwhelming! I went from a 20 year old with not a care in the world, to a 20 year old with the world pressing down on her shoulders.
My zest for life was snatched from me. The woman I would always turn to for guidance, and protection, my confidant was gone. My Mum the person who loved me more than anyone else ever will.
The sense of despair I felt is unexplainable.
I would often lay in bed for hours, not wanting to accept the responsibility, still longing for my Mum. Having no sense of direction before my Mum passed away was inexcusable. But after she passed away that lack of direction became ten fold.
There were some days I had the mental strength to deal with household things, but other days I just didn’t want to know.
Year after year I became less constructive, securing the odd job here and there, but never on a long term basis.
In 2013 I got a job in a phone shop which was going fairly well, but the company went into liquidation. So I found myself unemployed, yet another challenge, coupled with the never ending mourning for my Mum. I began to drift again.
Feeling like I wasn’t setting the right example to my sister, and wondering what my Mum would think of her daughter wasting her life away, especially when she worked so tirelessly to for us to have a brighter future. The burden became heavier.
Then in 2014 I had an impromptu visit from my family this taught me two things 1) always hide your mail and 2) keep your room meticulous as you never know who will turn up on your doorstep unannounced.
But above all this visit was a big wake up call, they said what I already knew. I was 24 and going nowhere fast, my future seemed bleak if I was to continue with this lackadaisical mentality. For the very first time I felt compelled to take ownership of my future.
Which I did, applying for over 200 hundred jobs online, but to no avail no feedback nothing. But with this new sense of determination I wasn’t going to stop.
There were the odd days when I used to sit at home and do nothing, frustrated with the lack of success I was having. But most days nothing could stop me, and of course no hardship lasts forever.
So fast forward to 2015, and I have made significant progress. After volunteering for a little over a year with a wonderful women’s charity, who advocate for disadvantaged young women. A position came up and I’m now an employee.
I was also selected onto a Leadership Programme in my local area, which aims to address the under representation of BME’s in Civic life. I have written blogs, given speeches sharing my story hoping to inspire others, and more! And of course now I have launched my own blog. (Finally)
Despite all the hardships I have faced and the lack of direction I had for myself. I have taught myself how to be resilient, in every situation. I will never stop grieving for my Mum.
But I know I owe it to my Mum to make sure I excel because I cannot let her sacrifice go in vain. She made it her lives work as a Mother, to provide both me and my sister with everything we need so we can achieve the life we want, and the life she wanted for us.
I will end by saying “no matter how hopeless the situation may look, keep going allow yourself to wallow briefly but remain resilient! Be sure to acknowledge your progression in life no matter how big or small. I was a slow starter but slow and steady wins the race.”